How dare he!

There's this song.  Maybe you've heard it before.  It's by Hillsong United and the bridge goes something like...

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause

As I walk from earth into eternity

Last weekend at church our Senior Pastor prayed that line - Break my heart for what breaks Yours - over us as a congregation at the closing of service.  I frankly figured I was 'safe.'  Yes, God...break their hearts - you know...everyone else in the room.  God obviously, already did break my heart for what breaks His or I wouldn't be doing what I do every Tuesday.  ...or so I thought so arrogantly.  Here's a warning: it's not a one time 'break.'  And those 'breaks' don't come in a one size fits all either.  This past Tuesday serving downtown He broke my heart all over again and in a big way.

It started off like most other Tuesdays.  Laughing, serving, hugging.  We went through the lunches and hot chocolate fairly quickly.  We stood around visiting with our friends.

One of my friends, who sleeps outside behind a gas station, didn't have a jacket and we were able to give him one which was awesome.  He only had a thin pair of knit gloves and I was so excited when I went to my 'stash' and found one last pair of really nice heavy, insulated gloves.  Imagine my confusion when he was hesitant to accept them because they were too nice and too big to fit in his pockets .  He told me he was afraid someone would take them, or if he went to the shelter and had to hand over his belongings which is required (what very few belongings he had), he may not get them back.  He finally, albeit reluctantly, accepted them.  Heartbreak.

I have another friend who slept at the park where we serve each week.  He was an alcoholic and some weeks he was much more pleasant than other weeks but he always managed to make me smile...even if it was unintentional.  He was a veteran and very proud of that fact, rightfully so.  I found out this Tuesday that the week prior he had shown up at the shelter inebriated and they had to turn him away because of their policy.  That night he walked out into the street and was struck and killed in a hit and run.  It didn't even appear to make the news.  Heartbreak.

Another fairly new friend visited with us this week.  We met him for the first time just about a month ago.  He literally had nothing and we were able to give him a few basic clothing items.  This week he shared with us that he is in Stage 4 Lymphoma and can't sleep at night because he's afraid he won't wake up.  Heartbreak.

I have another friend that I have always assumed was a dealer.  This week it was confirmed and I found out that he does it mostly just to support his own addiction.  [Save your judgement for my next post]  I can tell you that it's one thing to 'think' or assume.  It is a whole different feeling to really know.  I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to be enslaved to an addiction like that.  Heartbreak.

And so I say 'How dare he!'.  Listen up Dave Rod!  How dare you challenge God to break my heart for what breaks His!  It worked.  Truthfully though, I am grateful.  This week I am living a little more humbly, a little more simply, a little more aware of the immense brokenness around me.  May my heart never fully recover and I hope that everyone who reads this post is a little more heart broken than they were before they read it.

The WHY

So I get back from this incredible trip of serving the homeless in NYC ready to...  okay, so I'm not sure.  I'm still just not sure what I'm ready to do and what God wants me to do (not that those often go hand in hand).  I'm praying.  I'm processing.  So I decide to write my mission statement for PBJ Indy.  When I share this plan of attack with my husband he challenges me to write my 'Why Statement' first.  It seems logical...how do I know what my mission is unless I know my 'WHY?'  Before I get to my Why Statement, I want to share a little bit of my story with you, my 'Why Novella' if you will.  :)  So here goes...

I was just three weeks shy of 19 when I had Tori.  I was essentially alone, with the exception of a few good friends.  Thankfully I don't think I knew just how hard it was at the time.  I had made a LOT of poor choices so I figured, at the time and for a long time after, that the hardship and loneliness that I was experiencing was well deserved.  People looked down on me because I was a young, single mom.  I worked hard and went to community college and then on to a university to prove 'them' all wrong.  [Side note: 'Them' never turned out to really be anyone else but 'me.']  Don't get me wrong, harsh judgement by others was a common occurrence.  Even up until recent years I could hear it in people's voices at Tori's school and even church events.  I guess those couple of gray hairs these last few years has finally earned me the right to have a daughter half my age.  :)  

I cannot begin to imagine what living on the streets would be like; how hard it would be on so many levels.  And I won't insult my homeless friends to say that I understand, but I have caught a small glimpse of what judgement and isolation can do to the human spirit and that I can relate to, if only for a small piece of it.  Many have made some poor choices - like I did.  Most are looked down upon and instantly judged because of where they're at in life right now - like I was.  Many feel lonely and isolated - like I did.  Some think that they deserve to feel that way - like I did.  God pursued me, and thankfully I responded.  And now He has equipped me and is using me to pursue His peeps that hang out at the American Legion Plaza on Tuesdays.   

PBJ Indy Why Statement:  We pursue relationships with those experiencing homelessness in Indianapolis because we believe that ALL people, regardless of race, gender or social status deserve to be treated with respect and to be loved simply because of the hope and grace that God has offered to ALL of us.

Processing....

I'm tempted to break out my tattered green copy of Roget's Thesaurus just to come up with a word other than 'processing' which appears to pepper most of my responses since returning from NYC.  [Okay, so I could totally google it, but what fun is THAT?]  The trip was a whirlwind of amazing people (both those served and served alongside of), words, touches, smells, sights, you name it.  God was present and working in and on all of us there.  And I'm still processing....

I'm still processing what I'm supposed to do with all of this...'stuff.'  What I learned, what I think I learned, what I think I was supposed to learn.  Well, you get it.

And so I am still processing.  I imagine I will be for a while.  I can tell you that it was life changing, but I don't think I can quite tell you just how yet.  I can tell you that it wasn't just the people we served, but the group that I served with too that impacted me in a big way.  How God placed each one of us strategically together was amazing in and of itself.

And so I continue to process.  And I look forward to sharing what I've learned as I do....

Baby boy

Friends, THIS is what HOPE and restoration look like...

My dear friend has been clean for 6 months.  By the grace of God, her sweet baby boy is just perfect!  She, like Mike I mentioned in a previous post, has a long, hard road ahead of her.  Please keep her and her precious little boy in your prayers.

Big Mike

One of my favorite friends downtown is 'Big Mike.'  (ok...they are almost all my favorites, but still)  He is like a big teddy bear, seriously!  He told me a few weeks ago that he was headed to Lincoln, Nebraska for a rehab program and needed a suitcase.  Suitcase in hand yesterday, I asked him about the program and how he ended up going to one all the way in Nebraska.  Are you sitting down?  Here's his story...

Mike was walking out of a liquor store one Sunday afternoon when a woman and her husband were just leaving church.  The woman saw Mike, pulled over and got out to talk to him.  She asked him if she could pray for him because she said he looked like he had something troubling him.  He was in a bad place, just like she thought.  He agreed to let her pray for him.  As she talked to him more he shared how he started drinking in 2006 right after his baby son had died on his chest from SIDS.  Along with the drinking came more addictions.  This brave, amazing woman didn't just stop there with a prayer.  She met with Mike a few times, told him he needed to change his 'people and places' and got him set up for a rehabilitation program in Nebraska.  She has even covered his Greyhound bus fare.

Talking to Mike yesterday, it is evident that he is so excited to for this opportunity.  He's ready.  Please keep Mike in your prayers as he has a long, hard road ahead of him.

Processing through Mike's story yesterday, what really struck me was not so much that God prompted this woman to act but that she recognized it and acted.  He prompts us all of the time.  Are we so busy that we don't recognize it or hear Him?  And if we do hear Him or recognize that prompting, do we have the courage to take action?

Fear not...

Holy Moly, it's been a long time since I've posted on here!  Fear not...God with a side of PB&J is still being served to our friends each and every Tuesday at the American Legion Plaza.  ...and for OVER 2 years now!  I have a lot to catch you up on, so bear with me.  If you see a blog post with 'RETRO' you'll know that it happened within this last year.  (Retro is the rage now anyway, right?)  SO many great stories and people and experiences.  Some not so great stories too, but even some of those are a little entertaining.

Be sure to check out our Twitter @PBJIndy.  I've not been good keeping up with that either, but I'm trying to get better!  :)

Week #52 - 6/18/13

ONE YEAR!  Wow!  By the grace of God, today marks the 52nd Tuesday that my friends at the American Legion Plaza have been served.  What an amazing year it has been!  These men and women have become part of my extended family and Tuesday is the highlight of my week.

Over the course of the year we have created friendships, established trust, and had over 30+ different volunteers.  Thank you to those who have served this year:  Shane, Tori, Grace, Dima, Rachelle, Justin, Nolan, Molly, Kyle, Brandy, Wil, Harper, Emerson, Danyelle, Duane, Joshua, Jeremiah, Joy, Kurt, Lexi, Kenzie, Parker, Mark, Sherry and many more.  

I know that a simple peanut butter & jelly doesn't sound like much, but I can tell you that it is so much more than just that!!!