How dare he!

There's this song.  Maybe you've heard it before.  It's by Hillsong United and the bridge goes something like...

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause

As I walk from earth into eternity

Last weekend at church our Senior Pastor prayed that line - Break my heart for what breaks Yours - over us as a congregation at the closing of service.  I frankly figured I was 'safe.'  Yes, God...break their hearts - you know...everyone else in the room.  God obviously, already did break my heart for what breaks His or I wouldn't be doing what I do every Tuesday.  ...or so I thought so arrogantly.  Here's a warning: it's not a one time 'break.'  And those 'breaks' don't come in a one size fits all either.  This past Tuesday serving downtown He broke my heart all over again and in a big way.

It started off like most other Tuesdays.  Laughing, serving, hugging.  We went through the lunches and hot chocolate fairly quickly.  We stood around visiting with our friends.

One of my friends, who sleeps outside behind a gas station, didn't have a jacket and we were able to give him one which was awesome.  He only had a thin pair of knit gloves and I was so excited when I went to my 'stash' and found one last pair of really nice heavy, insulated gloves.  Imagine my confusion when he was hesitant to accept them because they were too nice and too big to fit in his pockets .  He told me he was afraid someone would take them, or if he went to the shelter and had to hand over his belongings which is required (what very few belongings he had), he may not get them back.  He finally, albeit reluctantly, accepted them.  Heartbreak.

I have another friend who slept at the park where we serve each week.  He was an alcoholic and some weeks he was much more pleasant than other weeks but he always managed to make me smile...even if it was unintentional.  He was a veteran and very proud of that fact, rightfully so.  I found out this Tuesday that the week prior he had shown up at the shelter inebriated and they had to turn him away because of their policy.  That night he walked out into the street and was struck and killed in a hit and run.  It didn't even appear to make the news.  Heartbreak.

Another fairly new friend visited with us this week.  We met him for the first time just about a month ago.  He literally had nothing and we were able to give him a few basic clothing items.  This week he shared with us that he is in Stage 4 Lymphoma and can't sleep at night because he's afraid he won't wake up.  Heartbreak.

I have another friend that I have always assumed was a dealer.  This week it was confirmed and I found out that he does it mostly just to support his own addiction.  [Save your judgement for my next post]  I can tell you that it's one thing to 'think' or assume.  It is a whole different feeling to really know.  I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to be enslaved to an addiction like that.  Heartbreak.

And so I say 'How dare he!'.  Listen up Dave Rod!  How dare you challenge God to break my heart for what breaks His!  It worked.  Truthfully though, I am grateful.  This week I am living a little more humbly, a little more simply, a little more aware of the immense brokenness around me.  May my heart never fully recover and I hope that everyone who reads this post is a little more heart broken than they were before they read it.